Orgasm

Emily Nagoski defines orgasm as “a spontaneous and involuntary release of tension as a result of sex-related stimuli”. Now read that definition again and notice how vague it is. It is vague because an orgasm can happen anywhere in the body and feel very different to different people. Nagoski explains that when you release the idea of what you think an orgasm should feel like, you begin to experience the kind of mind-blowing orgasms you never even knew existed.

Many people are pre-orgasmic and have not experienced orgasm. Some people experience secondary anorgasmia* which is the ability to orgasm during solo masturbation, but not in the presence of a lover. All of these experiences are normal and they do not mean you are broken or that you do not enjoy sex.

If someone is putting pressure on you to orgasm they need to stop. Putting pressure on someone to orgasm usually has the opposite effect. Orgasm is often perceived as the key to sexual satisfaction. But this is not true. Many people live sexually fulfilled lives having never had an orgasm. The orgasm is only as important as you make it. 

Orgasm is not the point. Pleasure is the point. 

In other words, it’s not about whether you cum, it’s about whether or not you had fun.