The history of pleasure
Humans are known to have been resourceful when it comes to seeking out ways to enjoy sex. Rumour has it, in ancient Egyptian times Cleopatra filled a box with angry bees and used the vibration for her pleasure. Historian and author Esmè Louise James shares that the oldest dildo ever discovered is 28,000 years old (James, 2022). The German researchers who discovered it determined that it was indeed a sex toy, due to the tip of it being highly polished as a result of overuse.
With anything powerful there will always be attempts to suppress it. So of course, sexual pleasure is no exception. In the 1948 edition of Gray's human anatomy book, the clitoris, aka the only part of the body in which the primary function is pleasure, was fully erased. Coincidence?
Around this same time, Dr Alfred Kinsey was conducting the first medical research investigating sexual pleasure. I’m not saying sexual pleasure hadn’t been investigated before, just that this is just the first record of pleasure from the lens of western academia. Much prior to this, comprehensive literature outlining sexual pleasure such as ‘Kama Sutra’ (India) and ‘The art of the bedchamber’ (China) were published and both resources still influence people to this day.
The introduction of the contraceptive pill in 1961 gave people control over their fertility causing a huge shift in the way we engage in pleasure. Although the side effects remain a cause of contention, and the lack of options for people assigned male at birth is disappointing, contraception continues to fly off pharmacy shelves faster than you can say “boner”. Nowadays, we find ourselves mostly in control of our fertility, whether that be with the fertility awareness method, condoms or contraceptive medication. In Aotearoa, NZ abortion is a safe and legal option too. And you know what that means? There is no better time to have sex, purely for pleasure's sake. For the fun of it. And that is exactly what this book is about, having sex for fun, and having fun with sex.
If you’re anything like me, you might’ve thought that enough time has passed since the initiation of pleasure centred sex research in order for it to hit the mainstream by now. But, unfortunately we still have a wee way to go. If pleasure centred sex education was left out of your school's curriculum, join the club. When I was at high school, sex education was focussed on penis in vagina (PIV), pregnancy and the risks of reproduction. The relationships and sexuality guidelines (RSE) in Aotearoa influence the content that gets discussed in sex ed. Historically pleasure was banned from being talked about, but thankfully, this has since changed. That doesn't mean every school is now waving the pleasure positivity flag though. Ultimately, each individual school is under obligation to consult with their local community and decide as a collective what they wish to be covered in class, or not covered at all.
I’m not blaming teachers or anything. Even if it was allowed, it’s not the easiest thing to talk about in front of a group of teens. It's a complex and vulnerable topic for a lot of people. Talking to your friends about sex can feel huge, let alone a room full of kids.
And so, pleasure focussed sex education is still waiting patiently for its glow up season. As a mental health therapist, I have the privilege of listening to people talk about the topics that are most difficult to discuss with friends and loved ones. I am comfortable with talking about sexual pleasure simply because I have been having these challenging conversations with people of all ages, since I was 21. I have heard from the horse's mouth many times that sex is just not enjoyable, so “why bother?”. And that bothers me.
My wish for the future is that we recognise the uplifting force that is our erotic energy and use it to dissolve any outdated, shameful or harmful beliefs that plague our view on sex. I hope we can move forward with confidence in our ability to overcome any sexual challenges with decent communication and pleasure centred education and an open mind to the fluidity of both gender and sexuality.
